Category: Think Positive
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168,630 (carpe numerum)
168,630 is the number of words I’ve written so far for this journal. The number of pages is 683. I’ve only published about half of them, and some of them will never be published. Still, that’s a lot! I can’t say I’ve done nothing this year. When I looked back over what I did at…
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Just passing through: time to be more Stoic.
I’m now trying to imagine myself just passing through from place to place. That is, after all, what life is, passing through time. Of course, there is more, but it’s all just an illusion to help us make it from point to point. Illusions aren’t bad or good. They just are there. If a door…
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Am I getting caught in the middle, again?
Unfortunately, I can easily get caught between individuals or groups of people. Recently, someone told me to, “put on your big boy pants.” While I think she meant well, as a way to encourage me to stand up for myself, it is an odd and rather condescending phrase I don’t hear often. I think it’s…
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This journal is a process, and I have so much to process.
These are not problems for just autistic brains. The ability for the brain to process information can be greatly affected by ADHD, trauma, and many other disorders and factors. The lack of sleep and stress make processing more difficult and paranoia more likely.
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The shortest day of the year. (My dog is cool.)
Today is the shortest day of the year! I feel rather energized and happy, and that’s because I’ve been spending hours working on a major project that has excited me. Furthermore, for many years, this has been a stressful time at my previous job, but that’s not an issue now. Finally, my family situation—siblings and…
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Raccoons!
My younger brother’s son was diagnosed with autism around age three. After quite extensive therapy, he was mainstreamed in schools, and seems to be doing well. His autism would probably be more noticeable than mine, though I don’t know how to tell this. Several years ago, I was speaking with my brother on the phone.…
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It’s not my job to fix everything or everyone.
I think this will be one of my shorter posts. It’s not my job to fix everything or everyone. That’s it! I’m a work in progress, so I’ll mess up. Please be patient with your autistic family and friends. Thank you.
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An atypical stroll with my wife: another chance for communication malfunctions.
My wife and I started walking during the pandemic, a habit we continue. It’s a good thing, and I get frustrated when we can’t. We aim for daily, and usually do at least five days of the week. We’ve walked in the dark, in the rain, and during beautiful sunsets on perfect days. It’s a…
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A quick shoutout to my peeps, known and unknown.
Thank you for helping me on my journey. I don’t know who most of you are, but the few comments I get are encouraging, and we all need encouragement. My brain tries to see everything as significant, part of a larger system that connects to an even larger, all-encompassing one, and, while that can be…
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”Letting go” may not be a trivial saying after all.
The idea of “letting go” is present in most religions, philosophies, spiritual activities, mental and physical disciplines, and stories from galaxies far, far away. It can be expressed as “dying to self,” “slipping away into water,” “doing not trying,” and many other phrases that can come off to me as somewhat naive and trite in…
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Trying hard NOT to be someone
Am I spending all my time trying not to be someone? Leading autism expert Dr. Tony Atwood has observed that autistic people tend to describe friends by what they don’t do instead of what they do. This, he says, comes from their many negative experiences with people. By the time you get to be middle-aged,…
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It’s a good day when someone acknowledges my struggles.
While it was brief, somewhat in passing, and part of a much longer and substantial conversation, recently someone acknowledged that I had more physical and mental health challenges than most people. Furthermore, he acknowledged that I’d been working on doing the best I could with them for many years. It’s not like I’m looking for…
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SO MANY IDEAS—a quick update about My Autistic Journal
My brain is fully engaged in hyper-creative mode. That’s fun and exciting but also makes me vulnerable to being more irritated when interrupted by others, irritating when I’m interrupting others, annoying when not interrupted or interrupting, and, in general, it exacerbates certain ASD/ADHD traits. So, it’s a mixed bag. But, there’s usually something good in…
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How did I get so popular?
I’m not sure I can handle this. Someone tell me what to do before I ramble on about it on some blog . . .
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Finally, I have some time alone to think.
For possibly the first time since I was very young, I have almost nothing I have to do for the foreseeable future. I have very few responsibilities, little external pressure, a minimal amount of in-person contact and not very much virtual interaction. Arriving at this place has not been pleasant, and it will take time…
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Mystery Color Wheel
Drawing can be very therapeutic. I got some colored pencils when I was a child and still have them all (of course). I’m not any good, but that’s kind of the point. I do what I can with some very crude skills. What does this drawing mean? Is it abstract art? It could be anything.…
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How do I know if someone actually likes me?
Well . . . it’s hard to know for sure if someone actually likes you or considers you to be the “F” word . . . “friend,” but here are some thoughts, from an autistic perspective: Keep in mind – as hard as this may be if you have an autistic brain (like mine) –…
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Bad days don’t last either.
It gets better. Then, it will get worse. We yearn for stability in a chaotic universe. Change is constant – so is fear. Don’t fear that a bad day will last forever while fearing that good days won’t. We don’t get it both ways! I’ve had a wild past 36 hours, and I’ll write more…
My Autistic Journal 