Category: Communication Problems
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March 29, 2022: the destruction of my family.
It has been one year, to the day. There is something about a year’s time. My mother was visiting us this weekend. I’d already been outlining this post, without her knowledge, when she said, “You know, it’s almost been precisely a year . . .” I told her I’d been thinking about it. It was,…
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People who don’t actually like you don’t like being treated like they do. (Being awkward.)
“It’s just awkward.” I’ve heard that before. I think it’s the polite way to tell me what I’ve done is not fine, but the intent is not being questioned. Autism=awkward. And, people don’t like awkward. It makes them feel awkward. And, awkward is uncomfortable, and comfort is the preferable state for most humans, at least…
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I should just quit talking to everyone.
I’m annoying. I know it. And, I don’t like it. Even with some medication to help me focus, I still annoy people. That might be putting it mildly. Yesterday, I was having a great day, feeling good about life, my family, my purpose. I told my autism therapist that in the morning. But, the feeling…
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I wish I knew how people really felt about me.
While I’m sure there is never an absolute way to know what another person thinks or feels about you, I wish there were a better way in general. There are some “facts” I could establish, such as what they say or do, but those can be variable based on context, frequency, and benefit to the…
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Do people even care? Autism and Suicide.
For much of my life, I’ve wondered if people cared if I’m alive or would be that upset if I died.
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Here’s how my days often have ended this year.
It’s 4am. My day, in many ways, was not terrible, but I’ve been crying off and on for the past eight hours. Not a lot, but just always at the surface. If I get around to it, I’m going to transcribe a recording I made yesterday of myself talking in the car, on the way…
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Just me rambling, in real time.
Yeah. So, my brain right now. Stayed up too late again. Lots of energy. Feeling good waking up. Wife home today after working in the morning (on Saturday). It’s fine, good, really. Again, lots of energy, brain going well. Well, I’ve yet to take that medicine that slows by brain down some. Helps socially, but…
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Raccoons!
My younger brother’s son was diagnosed with autism around age three. After quite extensive therapy, he was mainstreamed in schools, and seems to be doing well. His autism would probably be more noticeable than mine, though I don’t know how to tell this. Several years ago, I was speaking with my brother on the phone.…
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I don’t understand means I don’t understand.
For some reason, the more I tell people I am confused or don’t understand, the less they believe me. Do they think I’m using that as an excuse? Maybe it’s the way I say it. Additionally, when they push back from that, I want to correct them. In other words, I just get more confused…
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An atypical stroll with my wife: another chance for communication malfunctions.
My wife and I started walking during the pandemic, a habit we continue. It’s a good thing, and I get frustrated when we can’t. We aim for daily, and usually do at least five days of the week. We’ve walked in the dark, in the rain, and during beautiful sunsets on perfect days. It’s a…
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A quick shoutout to my peeps, known and unknown.
Thank you for helping me on my journey. I don’t know who most of you are, but the few comments I get are encouraging, and we all need encouragement. My brain tries to see everything as significant, part of a larger system that connects to an even larger, all-encompassing one, and, while that can be…
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It’s a good day when someone acknowledges my struggles.
While it was brief, somewhat in passing, and part of a much longer and substantial conversation, recently someone acknowledged that I had more physical and mental health challenges than most people. Furthermore, he acknowledged that I’d been working on doing the best I could with them for many years. It’s not like I’m looking for…
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This is what I wish people would understand about my autism.
These wishes are vital to my well-being and should help you understand me better. Dismissing them is very hurtful. This is true for anyone with a condition, mental or physical, that presents challenges the average person doesn’t face.
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The Mysterious Candy Basket, PART 1: Why can’t I get candy?
A STORY ABOUT AN AUTISTIC CHILD At your Preschool, on every Monday, each child gets to go up to a big basket, full of a variety of candy and take a piece (or two, or three, maybe even more). You, however, for reasons you do not understand, find it uncomfortable and confusing to do so,…
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Autism and Misapplication of Humor
Here is the pattern: I see someone do or say something, and it makes another person laugh. If the person is laughing, they must be happy. If they are happy, that’s a good thing! I don’t want people to be sad. If I see someone I want to make happy, I do or say what…
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You might as well call me an avocado from Mexico. (“On Labelling,” Part 2)
In my “On Labelling” post, I explained why I thought it would be good if one considers a label to be a diagnosis. Isn’t more information better? Ironically, more information may prove otherwise. Many of my interpersonal catastrophes have an element of – what shall I call it? — excessive data collection (EDC)— as a…
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Everything is backwards—when I try to show people I like them.
Everything is backwards. When I try to show people I like them, they often get annoyed or mad. At least, based on my experience, and everything seems backwards right now. Things can go wrong, but that’s not backwards. People can mishear “black paint” and get dark brown paint, a mistake. But, they could, for some…
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My Confusion ≠ Judgement of you
My confusion is sometimes perceived as judgement. It works like this: a person does something I don’t understand, I am confused, I try to figure out what is going on, and that is perceived as a judgement. For example, I might ask, “Why did you do that?” as a way to collect information to process…
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On “Labelling*” (An Autistic Perspective)
In general, “labelling” a person with a mental health condition tends to be met with disdain. Therapists especially tend to encourage not focusing on labels but on behaviors and symptoms. However, I have tended to argue that I believe it’s not that simple, that behaviors and symptoms are surface problems that don’t allow for a…
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Autism Translation Chart: Understanding NTs
Disclaimer: these are based on my personal experiences involving many people for many years and should not be interpreted as relating to any specific individuals but to non-autistic people in general. NT stands for Neurotypical, i.e. not ASD (or ADHD). NT Says: NT Means: Yes Yes, No, Maybe No No, Yes, Maybe maybe maybe, I…
My Autistic Journal 