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Overwhelmed – can I even survive this?
Note: As a reminder, this journal is a journey, a progression, and if something bothers you, keep going to see what happens. I plan on doing that, too, and I’ve not given up yet. It doesn’t matter anymore. I just don’t know what to do, and I mean right now. Somehow, every attempt I’ve tried…
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I don’t understand means I don’t understand.
For some reason, the more I tell people I am confused or don’t understand, the less they believe me. Do they think I’m using that as an excuse? Maybe it’s the way I say it. Additionally, when they push back from that, I want to correct them. In other words, I just get more confused…
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An atypical stroll with my wife: another chance for communication malfunctions.
My wife and I started walking during the pandemic, a habit we continue. It’s a good thing, and I get frustrated when we can’t. We aim for daily, and usually do at least five days of the week. We’ve walked in the dark, in the rain, and during beautiful sunsets on perfect days. It’s a…
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A quick shoutout to my peeps, known and unknown.
Thank you for helping me on my journey. I don’t know who most of you are, but the few comments I get are encouraging, and we all need encouragement. My brain tries to see everything as significant, part of a larger system that connects to an even larger, all-encompassing one, and, while that can be…
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These are some of the biggest mistakes I’ve made.
Autism may not play a complete role in any or all of these, but it is a significant factor. As a rather late-diagnosed ASD person who didn’t have the best support or models as a child, it’s probably made this more difficult. However, if nothing else, I’m persistent, and, that of course is on this…
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F.F.F.F.
Note: this was going to be a second part to F. F. F., but I need to rethink both posts. I’m also getting some data from autistic Twitter friends to get an overall sense of what people refer to as friendship. Given how my brain is currently, I need to reflect on this some more.…
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I’m way behind on doing nothing. (I hate December.)
I’m way behind on doing nothing. I really need to be doing nothing, but I forget sometimes. It’s like a patient after surgery who feels better and decides to do a bit too much. My brain has limits, and it’s not going to function as well as I want it to. Maybe it never has,…
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”Letting go” may not be a trivial saying after all.
The idea of “letting go” is present in most religions, philosophies, spiritual activities, mental and physical disciplines, and stories from galaxies far, far away. It can be expressed as “dying to self,” “slipping away into water,” “doing not trying,” and many other phrases that can come off to me as somewhat naive and trite in…
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Trying hard NOT to be someone
Am I spending all my time trying not to be someone? Leading autism expert Dr. Tony Atwood has observed that autistic people tend to describe friends by what they don’t do instead of what they do. This, he says, comes from their many negative experiences with people. By the time you get to be middle-aged,…
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My major meltdown was a result of a series of major letdowns.
Before I was an adult, I tended to shut down when I was confused or anxious. The first example I’ve heard about was when my parents brought my sister home from the hospital. I was two. As it was described to me, my brother found a baby interesting and acted “normally.” I was freaked out…
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On “labelling,” PART 3. Conclusion: a big autistic mistake?
For at least as many times as there have been days in my life, I have forgotten a simple truth: not everyone perceives the world as I do. A common trait, if not a defining one in autism, is not being able to understand what most people instinctively know about human behavior and communication. There…
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It’s a good day when someone acknowledges my struggles.
While it was brief, somewhat in passing, and part of a much longer and substantial conversation, recently someone acknowledged that I had more physical and mental health challenges than most people. Furthermore, he acknowledged that I’d been working on doing the best I could with them for many years. It’s not like I’m looking for…
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The Mysterious Candy Basket, PART 2: Back to Square Zero
NOTE: If you have not already, please see Part 1. For the past ten years, the other students have happily gotten candy from the candy basket, while you continue to get none. In your sadness, you sometimes look away and feel like crying. But, you’ve also learned how to trick your brain temporarily into thinking…
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SO MANY IDEAS—a quick update about My Autistic Journal
My brain is fully engaged in hyper-creative mode. That’s fun and exciting but also makes me vulnerable to being more irritated when interrupted by others, irritating when I’m interrupting others, annoying when not interrupted or interrupting, and, in general, it exacerbates certain ASD/ADHD traits. So, it’s a mixed bag. But, there’s usually something good in…
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This is what I wish people would understand about my autism.
These wishes are vital to my well-being and should help you understand me better. Dismissing them is very hurtful. This is true for anyone with a condition, mental or physical, that presents challenges the average person doesn’t face.
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The Mysterious Candy Basket, PART 1: Why can’t I get candy?
A STORY ABOUT AN AUTISTIC CHILD At your Preschool, on every Monday, each child gets to go up to a big basket, full of a variety of candy and take a piece (or two, or three, maybe even more). You, however, for reasons you do not understand, find it uncomfortable and confusing to do so,…
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My version of the famous parable, “The Good Samaritan”
BACKGROUND – THE ORIGINAL STORY “The Good Samaritan” is one of the more famous parables of Jesus, told after he was asked, “Who is my neighbor?” Martin Luther King, Jr. made a long reference to this parable on the night before he was assassinated in his “I’ve been to the mountaintop” speech. The story is…
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Autism and Misapplication of Humor
Here is the pattern: I see someone do or say something, and it makes another person laugh. If the person is laughing, they must be happy. If they are happy, that’s a good thing! I don’t want people to be sad. If I see someone I want to make happy, I do or say what…
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How did I get so popular?
I’m not sure I can handle this. Someone tell me what to do before I ramble on about it on some blog . . .
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Finally, I have some time alone to think.
For possibly the first time since I was very young, I have almost nothing I have to do for the foreseeable future. I have very few responsibilities, little external pressure, a minimal amount of in-person contact and not very much virtual interaction. Arriving at this place has not been pleasant, and it will take time…
My Autistic Journal
a journey to understand and explain autism
My Autistic Journal 