My Autistic Journal

I’m riding in a car. My wife is driving. There are many posts I’m working on. Some are timely; many were timely some time ago. Should I still post them? Probably. My life is out of sequence anyway. I don’t want the journal to be negative. But, the autistic experience is largely that way, and…

My brain feels much better than it has in a long time. When I say, “feels,” I mean that literally as well as its ability to function. How am I testing to see? For one, I’m not planning anything, per se, but I’m going along with whatever comes up. Today, for, example, I’m meeting briefly…

Yeah. I just suck. Yep. No doubt. I have no clue. Truly. No idea. I should just say that over and over all day. It would make more sense than what I normally say, apparently. Things “come out” wrong, backwards. I try to compliment, and it is viewed as an insult, or vice-versa. I try…

(If you don’t know anything of Star Wars, this post won’t make any sense.) I forgot about Sithius and any apprentices. Oops. Did Luke give up on Sithius? I guess he did. Vader had to rescue Luke in the end, to rescue himself. It’s not one-way. That’s the problem. So, it’s fine. It’s not a…

I’m tired of too much unsolicited advice. I used to ignore it, to some degree, but it got stuck in my head over time. Now, I’m trying to completely ignore it, though somehow, it keeps showing up. Instead of getting stuck and making a mistake like I did in the past, I’m just going to…

People have rejected me. That sucks. But, I can reject that. If they treated me that way, I don’t guess I ever needed them. I don’t like the pain, the guilt, the anxiety it has caused. But, I can move past it. I hate any that has been caused them, but if they can’t forgive…

It doesn’t seem to matter. Whether I’m trying to help people or they are trying to help me, something goes wrong. I could blame ASD, but maybe I’m just especially idiotic flavor of autistic. Or, it’s also ADHD, etc. It could be. I don’t really care. I just want people to let me do what…

Well, I can’t know for sure. We might be living in an alternate reality. Nonetheless, I’ve had some mild triggers today. I didn’t panic, but I set about to established some facts and not jump to conclusions. It’s easy to catastrophize, especially when the past has not always worked out well. A tiny problem can…

Plans change. I make good ones. It falls apart. Meh. People can really silly sometimes. Silly is the nice way of putting it. Trying to fix problems seems to cause more. But, that doesn’t mean I have to change all my plans. This blog, for example, is separate from anything else, I think, even though…

Is advice good? That was what my wife and I discussed on our walk today. Well, part of our walk, before she got quickly annoyed. I told her I was happy I had realized that many people have probably given me good advice, but it was not all the same, so it confused me. It…

For some reason, I kept getting told not to trust the people who treated me well. Why is that? After years and enough stress, it made me start to really worry. And, in the case of my one friend, I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I literally was asking multiple therapists,…

Trying to fit in to neurotypical world is hard enough, but figuring out how to communicate nuances is nearly impossible. I think it leads to mixed metaphors, failed attempts at humor, and even an occasional paradoxical satire, the likes of which ends up confusing everyone, including the autistic satirist. Is that an autirist? New definition:…

NOTE: One moment . . . of one day . . . I keep going. So, KEEP READING. OR STOP. See where I end up. This is not the end of the story, I don’t think. Not ALL days will be good. There’s not a lot in my life now. I’ve been trying for a…