Just give it time.

Be patient.

One day at a time.

Great advice. Also, grating advice.

What are we waiting for, anyway?

A return to normal?

No. At least, not for some of us.

One of the worst parts of my life is seeing others “bounce back” from situations when I can’t. This is especially true with my family. How is it my siblings can keep going when I cannot, or I barely can? My wife is generally unfazed to a noticeable degree, at least in terms of functioning. Who knows how she actually feels?

My parents, friends, colleagues, etc. all deal with adversity better than I do. Why?

I think there are several reasons, but the way change affects autistics must be a significant contributor. The proof is in what I’ve stated. If you put me and nine others in the same situation, I don’t usually fare as well.

This week represents change. Lots of change. Change in the past, present, and future. I hope it’s not too much, but it probably was inevitable.

These changes are frightening. I will be posting about this more over the next few days.

This first week of May has been as eventful as it was one year ago! I hope it represents good change, but “a return to normal” is not an option in my world. I do the best I can, even though it barely seems to be enough. I’m alive. There is that.

Change is on the way! I hate change, but I like to be creative. How does that work?

I hate some change, some types of change, some methods of change, and some rates of change. Change without warning, without time to process, and, possibly most of all, change where everyone else leaves me behind once they’ve already figured it out.

What was my first post? “Two steps behind.”

Have I caught up after a year? I estimate it takes me a year to catch up or figure things out. I wasn’t planning this happening literally a year later!

Why does that happen? I think it does for everyone, to some extent. Maybe it’s just the timing of the earth around the sun.

But, after a year, I’m just back to “abnormal.” That’s the best I can do. Even when I catch up, I’m still going to struggle, and I’ll fall behind again, eventually. Maybe, I’ve been smarter this time. I’ve been cautious, for sure.

There have been far too many wounds without enough proper support (plenty of improper support!) I’m trying to both lesson the hurt and find ways to get the support I need.

First, I have to get past May 4, the other anniversary (there was one in March) I’d like to forget. More on that tomorrow!