I don’t feel empathetic.

I’ve been told I care too much or am too empathetic. I don’t know if that’s true. It doesn’t feel true now. My wife doesn’t ever want to accept things happen to me that affect me. It’s all somehow my own internal problems that I’m choosing not to regulate.

Has she forgotten I’ve been in therapy almost 20 years, and it was my idea? I take so much medication, not for myself but for others.

If I were selfish, I’d be dead by now. But, that would hurt others, even though I don’t always quite know why.

She’s gotten her use out of me. Now that I’m even more disabled, I’m even more useless. I’m only in her way. No excuses. Keep up or get out of the way. She can be patient, but then it will be brought up later.

I want to feel more empathy towards her, but it’s hard after what I’ve discovered. She only needed me for certain things. And, she has gotten them. She won’t help me with my job because she’s found a better use of her time.

Grr. More later. I’m so confused – and tired. I’ve asked my wife to curl up with me this afternoon. She will likely get mad at such a silly request. “Let’s just be together” is apparently offensive. I’ve yet to figure out why we must be doing something to have fun all of the time.

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