How am I not supposed to be upset and confused by this?
My wife doesn’t like discussing anything negative with me, i.e. when something upsets me. Instead, she tells me to discuss it with my therapist.
In turn, my therapist, while confirming my wife cannot help me since “she clearly doesn’t understand complex emotions,” tells me I need to find someone else, a “friend” or another person I can talk to.
But, when I find a person who seems ideal for helping me in ways my wife isn’t able (according to my therapist), that person (or people) tells me to discuss it with my wife.
What am I missing? What is everyone else missing?
Since my wife has troubles with understanding emotions, and because my therapist can’t be with me that often, and, because I have no luck with making and keepingfriends who understand me very well, am I going to live the rest of my life mostly alone, at least in terms of emotional support?
I do have siblings who are usually gracious enough and willing to talk to me some. Siblings are critical for autistic people, or anyone who relies on others for more help than they wish they had to. It’s not always fair to them, but they also have always known me like I am, so they are more comfortable with my quirks than most people could be. The only downside is, and this may well depend on if they are older or younger, some siblings can choose not to understand, assuming that your experience should be just like theirs.
However, the past couple of years were different, as my siblings were all struggling in their own way with our intense and overarching family dynamics. So, that resource, my lifelong one, was suddenly gone.
Some of my children will listen and talk, and at least two of them are, in my mind, clearly autistic. We have spent time in the past laughing through videos on “are you autistic?” But, I cannot dump my struggles onto them, especially ones that involve other family members. I don’t want them to think they have to take care of me and become codependent for the rest of their lives. It’s quite tricky, so I try not to do it often. I’m also clear with them that it’s not their responsibility to help me.
There remains, then, this triangle, the sides of which should be a foundation of support for me. Instead, they are merely hollow tubes that carry me from one side to the next. Maybe it’s time to dismantle the triangle and be left with the one side only, my therapist. Having to put up with me should come with a reward. Or, better yet, no reward and not having me pester you. I just wish I had more time with my therapist to help me figure out why can’t I have all three sides of the triangle everyone seems to imagine is there for me, but then it never actually is.
At least some of my children are taking notes on what is a complete waste of time. Hopefully, they won’t make the same mistakes as I have and will not worry about the temptation to function in the way others expect but without any support. “Everyone has something,” comes to mind. Yes . . . But, not everyone is given a triangle that’s just a line with a perpetual fee.
Ha! There is the phrase of the day!
Hi, I’m autistic, and today I’d like to overshare with you a new concept I’ve discovered. Autistic people are promised unlimited free triangles, but really are given a single line with a perpetual fee.
Now, this gets even more interesting when you throw “boundaries” into the mix, as I believe they are a big part of this.
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