Here is how I know my brain is better.

Well, I can’t know for sure. We might be living in an alternate reality.

Nonetheless, I’ve had some mild triggers today. I didn’t panic, but I set about to established some facts and not jump to conclusions. It’s easy to catastrophize, especially when the past has not always worked out well. A tiny problem can seem like the end of the world.

So, what could have been worrisome has been, at least for the moment, thwarted by my focus on other things. I don’t need all that negativity in my life. It can fester on its own somewhere else. No, thank you. I’ll pass. Best wishes, but the church world is much bigger than one very tiny place.

Time to quit blogging and get back to creating a better world, as best I can imagine. If others want in that world, I’ll consider it, but, honestly, I’m not missing all the NT drama one bit. Apparently, I can’t avoid it entirely. People still seem to remember me, and that’s nice in some respects. But, it complicates what otherwise could be much more simple.

Leave me in my room, please. I’m not choosing to be abused anymore, especially not for someone’s entertainment or distraction from the truth. I’ll follow my wife’s plan or walking away. I think I’ll tell her, as I did a long time ago, that my brain doesn’t need too much drama again. I’ve had plenty the last couple of years, and my family will continue to provide way more than I want.

I’m focusing on a new path. While others may or may not try to lure me back to an old one, I can’t invest much energy on that, especially if there are too many obstacles nobody probably cares about anyway. I’d rather just find a different way.

That’s what this journey is about. It’s not about staying in a bad place but a progression to the next place, whether physically or emotionally. It’s not good to be trapped in a mind so overcome with fear and pain. I’m out of that, I think. And, I’m not going to be sucked back in. Maybe I’ll explain how later, with some tips.

While it used to hurt me more when people would attack me, I’m not going to keep validating someone else’s mistakes by feeling all the blame and guilt. I’ve learned that lesson. My wife has helped me in that, though it’s been in an ironic way. Quite ironic. Oh, well. Irony can be good. Besides, I’m confident in what I know to be true, and my brain is back in a rational place. Avoiding humans helps. I just have to make sure they know that as well.

A good autism therapist is very helpful. She tells me when I’m getting unfocused and going to a “dark place.” I suspect she will remind me of that some tomorrow, but maybe she will be glad at my ability to not react too strongly.

I do feel very bad for those who suffer, for those who are in situations far worse than I could imagine. But, not everyone wants to be helped, and not everyone can be saved. They make their own choices. I’m not falling victim again to people I can simply ignore, for whom I have no responsibility.

It’s tempting, I admit. I almost contacted my father recently. Party of me longs to. It’s sad. But, people who are willing to discard or devalue me, for only their own gain, no matter the pain they cause others, are not people I need. I really hope they can find their way to see what is both good and true. The truth can set them free as well, if they choose it.

I have many good things I can focus on without worrying about everyone else’s problems. That’s how to break your own brain.

Now, I’m back to making something that makes me happy! Enough with this other stuff! I don’t need it. Neither does anyone else. Quit worrying about things that you know are probably not even true.

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