Is advice good?
That was what my wife and I discussed on our walk today. Well, part of our walk, before she got quickly annoyed.
I told her I was happy I had realized that many people have probably given me good advice, but it was not all the same, so it confused me. It would be like ten people recommending ten things from a menu: “You have to try this!”
By the time you go to order, you’d be confused. At least, I’d be. I would think I’m letting down nine people. My wife could ignore this advice, but it would be hard for me.
Autistics certainly have been known to over-advise. Some of us, at least, have done this. Now, I believe my wife is trying to go too far the other way, without realizing it. It’s a bad scenario. She’d be the person who would let someone die of a peanut allergy before advising them not to eat it. Seriously. She might, especially if someone just told her to never give unsolicited advice.
Wait. Is the blog unsolicited advice?
If so, stop reading. It might be the best decision you ever make. I know I’ve gotten plenty of advice in the past that has not been helpful and proved disastrous.
Honestly, it’s another good reason to avoid people. All can be fine, but then someone shows up with advice or a concern, neither of which may be bad. But, my brain doesn’t always do well with information, not knowing where to place it in time. I’m slow in that regard.
Good advice can cause bad problems. I’m the kind of idiot who knows this from experience. Trying to be helpful can backfire. Being honest doesn’t always work. And, too many people offering an opinion on something can simply overwhelm me. Most people can block it out much better than I can.
I probably lost my job due to unsolicited advice. In fact, I’m certain of it. It wasn’t the advice so much as what I thought I was supposed to do with it. When enough people told me something, I figured it was likely the correct advice. Apparently, it was not. I believe I took the collective advice from about six people and tried to convey it to another person on their behalf. Somehow, it went wrong. Of course, those people aren’t in trouble, even though they encouraged me to contact a person. Nope. Their good advice and concern somehow got completely flipped by the time I shared it with the recipient.
Not all unsolicited advice is bad. Not all solicited advice is good. No! Autism probably reverses those!
If I’d followed my own “advice“ years ago, I’d probably have never left my room as a child. Honestly, that seems comforting now. All the advice to get me “friends” has not been been as helpful as advertised. I don’t have that capability, at least not to a very high level.
Some are still trying to advise me about things that I’m at peace about. No, I think I’m going to follow my own path, and that’s going to probably be away from the advisors and to a place of quiet. I actually feel I deserve it. I can do things for people from a distance, and I can choose carefully how and to whom I would contribute my efforts.
For as much as my wife doesn’t understand me, she doesn’t really care what I do. That’s good in many ways, as long as she’s not afraid to help me when I obviously need it. There must be a balance. I just don’t know where that is yet.
Advice, anyone? Add a comment!
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