I’ve never wanted to crowdsource, as it feels wrong, for some reason. Well, the reason is, I don’t think what I do is worth anything. For years, I thought it was because of society, but I think it’s more because of my parents, especially my father. Moreover, the younger generations have a different attitude towards such things, and that is encouraging.

Ultimately, if you are being paid, it’s funded by something. Amazon is crowdfunded by the people who buy from them. They provide a service. That’s all. Products are services, and services are products. But, mine are not as tangible, so people can easily dismiss them. The hours I spend creating something is not usually understood. That could be said for many things, but for some endeavors, it’s less obvious than others. Regardless, the issue is believing I deserve to earn money for something. I tend to feel like I don’t.

It doesn’t help some people would prefer me jobless rather than to respect my effort and time spent trying to understand how to better do what they want, even when they seemed to be purposely evasive. It’s always my fault, one way or another. The moment I suggest otherwise—then it’s my fault, for darn sure! So, I expect crowdsourcing will be wrong, and I’m afraid to do it. That would make some people happy, as crazy as that may sound. They seem to benefit emotionally from my failures—or the failures of others, in general.

I need to have more belief in myself. That’s difficult when people reject you!

Some of my old friends are now helping me do that again.