A big shift in my thinking? I certainly hope so.

I don’t have time to explain right now, but I’m focusing on good things. I’ve been trying to, but for so long, my guilt has drawn me away. Now, however, it has become obvious that those things – or people – have never cared about me. In the case of my father, it’s especially unfortunate. But, the instant relief I feel is much stronger than the sadness they were causing me.

They were bringing me down to their level, changing who I was, as I was trying to help them. The one autistic trait that has both helped and hurt me is persistence. It kept me drawn to them, but it also made them ultimately realize I had figured out who they really were, and they didn’t feel comfortable with that. Maybe they have learned too, and hopefully they will stop hurting other people.

At least, I am free from them, and they are also free from me. Was I the annoying autistic person? I now will embrace that. I don’t annoy everyone, just those who are not interested in anything outside of themselves.

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