Month: January 2023
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The truth will set you free.
Sometimes, you just have to ask for it. Otherwise, you’ll never know what you are missing. I’ve been wrong so many times in my life, and that’s fine. But, staying wrong—especially when it’s hurting you or someone else—is not fine. During my period of autistic burnout, my ability to trust my intuition was severely hampered.…
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Is my wife FINALLY getting it? (Am I the only autistic one?)
It’s hard to criticize my wife. I mean, she does live with me, and that should suck for anyone. But, she is gladly married to me. I sometimes think she has a blind adoration for me, and it confuses her when I am upset. She has what I call Pollyanna syndrome, not an official diagnosis…
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I always thought I understood people, but now I realize it was just them letting me think I did.
For a long time, I thought I understood people well. I think I do pick up on when people are upset, though I don’t even know that any more. What I’ve learned is how manipulative people can be, to the point they make me think I’m being manipulative even when I’m completely confused! That’s how…
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The gift of raccoons.
A woman at my previous job sent me a raccoon (not a real one!) in the mail after I left. I have no idea what that meant. Was she trying to be kind or mean? Did sending me a message of hope or fear? Had she remembered I liked raccoons? Was this a way to…
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Some want justice, some want revenge. I want a relationship.
Both of my brothers literally wrote my father off by sending him a letter. One of them pointed out to my father that he wanted justice, my other brother wanted revenge, but I wanted a relationship. That was true, but I was also protecting my sister. My father refused to reach out to my brothers…
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A life of double-standards? It certainly feels that way.
Autism is likely the culprit for the following double-standards to exist, or, at a minimum, be perceived to exist, in my life. It also could be due to past trauma or just to the idiosyncrasies of the people I’m around. But, I think autism is the key. I also don’t know how to disengage from…
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”At least you know at the end of each day if you’ve completed your goal!”
WARNING: If this is triggering for you, or someone that you know needs help, stop reading immediately and find appropriate resources to help. Some of these are listed at the end of my post on autism and suicide. At times, I’ve told people, “my only goal in life was to not kill myself.” That is…
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Autistics are not always wrong. Sometimes, we are way ahead of you.
People don’t trust us. That is their biggest mistake. Then, we don’t trust them or anyone, and all of our abilities may be squandered or suppressed. I’m doing my best to find ways to not let that happen to me, but I have too much PTSD from people to do it conventionally. This is true,…
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Maybe I have a “Hail, Mary” plan I can try.
My wife, for some reason, loves me. I never understood. Well, maybe at some point it made sense. That was before life got too complicated, not her fault nor mine. Still, you don’t know how people will react to things. In her case, she rarely reacts. She’s very hypo-sensitive, and I am, naturally, hyper-sensitive. It’s…
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Why couldn’t people just leave me and my friend alone?
I haven’t finished a very long post on how others trick me into thinking my friends don’t like me. Maybe I never will. At this point, why does it even matter? It seems like a common them in autism, at least for me. For some reason, people didn’t want me to be friends with someone…
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Sometimes I just need a small reminder or little encouragement.
It’s been a really rough day. But, it’s OK now. I just needed some support, and I got it from someone. Then, that gave me the ability to do some more things that were good for me. I don’t think people understand how much just a little can help. The worst part is the people…
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I think the Magnificat was also for the “other” Mary.
She just never figured it out. Neither did most people. It’s too hard of a sell, and you have to sell! Besides, the other Mary is in the way of, you know, the one who did everything “right” and didn’t cause any trouble, kind of like my wife. For them, the institution is more important…
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I asked for bread, but you gave me a stone. How to efficiently make someone’s life worse.
“Is there anyone among you who, if your child asked for bread, would give a stone? Or if the child asked for a fish, would give a snake? If you, then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children . . .”(Ref. Below) Ah, the words of Jesus. Spoken by many,…
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The pen of love is mightier than the sword of hate. Besides, I’m a pacifist.
I’m not a martyr. Not wanting to kill a person doesn’t make you a martyr. It just means you live be a different moral code than the people who are abusing you. But, I don’t need a sword when I have a pen. Neither did MLK or Gandhi. I am not them, but I follow…
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How to help a suicidal person want to die more, in two easy steps.
When they come to you for help, ignore them. If they don’t get the message you don’t care, make sure to treat them horribly, so they don’t attack you, since they “obviously” (sarcasm) are not asking for help but want to kill you. Try to convince them people don’t like them, so they won’t bother…
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Dear People in My Universe
Dear people in my universe, If you think I don’t like you, the odds are you are mistaken. I tend to like people more than they like me. If you think I’m blaming you for something, I most likely am not. I can sound that way, I know. I’ve been told many times, and I’m…
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Forget the “kick me” sign. Just give me the “I’ll be your scapegoat if you ask me” banner.
Need a scapegoat? Just look for your “favorite” autistic (or mentally ill) person. We won’t see it coming, we’ll be happy someone is being friendly, and always think we deserved whatever blame a person puts on us. We will obsess endlessly over what went wrong, and, when we think we’ve figured it out, we will…
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Let’s do some VERY basic math.
Scale -3 to +3 JOB No/little JOB People -3 2 $$$ 3 -2 Creativity -1 2 Anxiety -3 -1 Self-worth 2 -3 Good example for kids 2 -1 Executive Functioning -3 1 Physical Stress -3 3 Happiness -1 -2 Special Interest 1 2 I upset other people -3 1 TOTAL -9 2 It’s not like…
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What I needed was not that complicated.
WHAT I NEEDED at my last job was not that complicated: Some person(s) to help me in certain challenging social situations Everyone else to not get in the way of the person(s) helping me, even when they didn’t understand what was going on. THAT WAS ALL! HOWEVER, The person(s) who really should have been helping…
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It shouldn’t be this hard to go out to eat.
One evening with autism . . . Triggers everywhere. My wife and I went out to eat for the first time in a while. We don’t very often, for multiple reasons. But, on a Monday night, it wasn’t too crowded. Still, there were a bunch of “triggers” along the way. By a trigger, I’m referring…
My Autistic Journal 