Everything seems Backwards.

Obviously, to say that everything seems backwards would be an overstatement. However, many parts of my life involving people don’t make sense. The feelings and the logic don’t line up. Communication always is off, just enough to be tricky. What might seem like good communication is really not, but it is close enough that problems go undetected.

In considering problems from this past year, the more I think about it, the more I get confused. What am I missing?

Now, I should just “let it go,” and that is reasonable, and it’s what I’m working on. Moreover, I’m trying to learn from my mistakes in case I’m ever around humans again with any regularity.

In reading back over some previous posts, I’ve tried to think how a person could be confused – or how I would be confused. Have I clearly explained how I felt? Are my analogies making any sense? They work well in my mind!

What if . . . my descriptions of events contain the same errors in communication that the events themselves had. In other words, could I be miscommunicating about my miscommunications?
Dare I say it? Yes. Yes, I could. What to do?

This is why I’m mostly isolated from people. It’s just easier that way, at least for now. There’s that “at least for now” phrase again. Dang it. That’s a very confusing phrase, but I just added it on for some reason. I guess it sounds right, but it’s confused me in the past.

It’s overwhelming to think that I could lose a friend or friends because one phrase is misunderstood, even slightly. Of course, wars have been started over less. And, it’s not likely a single misspoken phrase but multiple ones over time. Then, there is the context to consider.

I’m not sure if this is just an autistic trait, but I want to – yes, I know what I posted recently – fix things. Namely, I want to fix anything that I have broken. When it seems like there must be one missing piece that could answer everything, why not look for it? Or, when I feel like I might have the piece, why would someone not want it? It’s just a matter of how much someone cares fixing it. And, maybe they should’t. I’m the last person to ask.

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