How do I know if someone actually likes me?

Well . . . it’s hard to know for sure if someone actually likes you or considers you to be the “F” word . . . “friend,” but here are some thoughts, from an autistic perspective:

  1. They don’t judge you negatively simply because you are autistic.
  2. They invite you to things even if you may not want to go, just so you feel included.
  3. They initiate communication with you.
  4. They respond to your communication.
  5. They accept your invitations unless they have a good reason not to.
  6. They are patient with you.
  7. They forgive you when you are not patient with them.
  8. They appreciate when you do things for them even if they don’t entirely understand what you are doing.
  9. They don’t take advantage of you.
  10. They do not exclude you from things without a good reason.
  11. They are willing to explain things when you are confused and not make you feel bad about being confused.
  12. They forgive you when you make mistakes.
  13. They defend you and take up for you when others are not being nice to you, especially behind your back.
  14. They know that you defend them and take up from them when others are not being nice to them, especially behind their back.
  15. They don’t purposely hurt you.
  16. They are willing to discuss problems that arise in friendship.
  17. They are willing to give you the benefit of the doubt and expect you to give it to them as well.
  18. They don’t make you worry that they might abandon you.
  19. They make you feel included.
  20. They understand you have bad days, weeks, months, and even years.
  21. They make you laugh but understand when you cry.
  22. They trust you.
  23. They don’t pretend to be your friend out of pity or to gain attention.
  24. They don’t ignore you to talk to other people.
  25. They treat you at least as well as they treat everyone else.
  26. They don’t try to get you in trouble, even if they are upset with you.
  27. They are honest with you.
  28. They accept your faults.
  29. They make you happy, and you make them happy.
  30. They don’t lie to you.
  31. The don’t lie to others about you.
  32. They show they care about you through their actions and not just their words.
  33. They understand “where you are coming from.”
  34. They encourage others to like you but not as a way to avoid you, and they understand you can get overwhelmed with too many people.
  35. They won’t discard you for other people.
  36. They don’t get bored of you quickly.
  37. They don’t blame you for things you didn’t do or didn’t realize you were doing.
  38. They don’t spread rumors about you.
  39. They are willing to give you a chance to explain when you upset them, especially if done on accident.
  40. They understand that your experiences in the past make you very nervous that nobody likes you.
  41. They assure you that they won’t abandon you or ignore you, and they know you are sensitive to these things.
  42. They are kind yet direct in their communication.
  43. They don’t “play games” with you for their own enjoyment.
  44. They are willing to teach you how to fit in to their world as best as you are able, and they don’t treat you poorly when you fail at fitting in.

Keep in mind – as hard as this may be if you have an autistic brain (like mine) – that nobody can get all of these right all of the time. My biggest mistake with people is freaking out when one little thing goes wrong.

Any others? Leave comment below.

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