Earlier today, I spoke with someone whose son has ASD, and I told him about a very anxious situation I was trying to work through. This was, as so many problems are for those on the spectrum, interpersonal. Every relationship has some anxiety; however, as I feel and have felt so misunderstood my entire life, when someone really seems to understand me, I want to keep them around. That makes sense, right?
Well . . . it makes sense to me but maybe not to the other person. Sometimes I forget most people have more friends than I do, so I’m wanting a larger percentage of their time than is realistic.
The parent of the ASD child made the observation that I was using my friend “like a security blanket.” That was a good way to describe it, and I’m easily able to see how that is not ideal. I can’t even carry my weighted blanket around all day (and, I highly suggest trying one if you have not – for many reasons, not just ASD). Sadly, I may have lost my friend who I probably made feel a bit too much like my security blanket. This means I may not be able to talk any more to my “security blanket” about weighted blankets, and that is as sad as the phrase is odd.
I wonder if I can ever have “proper” friendships. I don’t think I know what they are! For now, I have to reflect more on what happened and determine if I want to attempt to make friends in the future. But, I am sad – I really do want my security blanket back. I’m just being honest . . . “it” (the person) was so helpful to me, and I don’t want a new one. I’m kind of autistic in that way. 🙂