My Autistic Journal

a continuation of many years of self-discovery and perseverance

PLEASE NOTE: If you get triggered by reading anything on this or any other site, STOP immediately and take care of yourself.

  • F.F.F.
    About ten years after I finished high school, in a chance encounter, I saw someone who had been one of my closest High School friends. Well, I thought he was. Probably due to some […]
  • ”Letting go” may not be a trivial saying after all.
    The idea of “letting go” is present in most religions, philosophies, spiritual activities, mental and physical disciplines, and stories from galaxies far, far away. It can be expressed as “dying to self,” “slipping away […]
  • Trying hard NOT to be someone
    Am I spending all my time trying not to be someone? Leading autism expert Dr. Tony Atwood has observed that autistic people tend to describe friends by what they don’t do instead of what […]
  • My major meltdown was a result of a series of major letdowns.
    Before I was an adult, I tended to shut down when I was confused or anxious. The first example I’ve heard about was when my parents brought my sister home from the hospital. I […]
  • On “labelling,” PART 3. Conclusion: a big autistic mistake?
    For at least as many times as there have been days in my life, I have forgotten a simple truth: not everyone perceives the world as I do. A common trait, if not a […]
  • It’s a good day when someone acknowledges my struggles.
    While it was brief, somewhat in passing, and part of a much longer and substantial conversation, recently someone acknowledged that I had more physical and mental health challenges than most people. Furthermore, he acknowledged […]
  • The Mysterious Candy Basket, PART 2: Back to Square Zero
    NOTE: If you have not already, please see Part 1. For the past ten years, the other students have happily gotten candy from the candy basket, while you continue to get none. In your […]
  • SO MANY IDEAS—a quick update about My Autistic Journal
    My brain is fully engaged in hyper-creative mode. That’s fun and exciting but also makes me vulnerable to being more irritated when interrupted by others, irritating when I’m interrupting others, annoying when not interrupted […]
  • This is what I wish people would understand about my autism.
    These wishes are vital to my well-being and should help you understand me better. Dismissing them is very hurtful. This is true for anyone with a condition, mental or physical, that presents challenges the […]
  • The Mysterious Candy Basket, PART 1: Why can’t I get candy?
    A STORY ABOUT AN AUTISTIC CHILD At your Preschool, on every Monday, each child gets to go up to a big basket, full of a variety of candy and take a piece (or two, […]
  • My version of the famous parable, “The Good Samaritan”
    BACKGROUND – THE ORIGINAL STORY “The Good Samaritan” is one of the more famous parables of Jesus, told after he was asked, “Who is my neighbor?” Martin Luther King, Jr. made a long reference […]
  • Autism and Misapplication of Humor
    Here is the pattern: I see someone do or say something, and it makes another person laugh. If the person is laughing, they must be happy. If they are happy, that’s a good thing! […]
  • How did I get so popular?
    I’m not sure I can handle this. Someone tell me what to do before I ramble on about it on some blog . . .
  • Finally, I have some time alone to think.
    For possibly the first time since I was very young, I have almost nothing I have to do for the foreseeable future. I have very few responsibilities, little external pressure, a minimal amount of […]
  • How about some GOOD news?
    I’ll take my encouragement from wherever I can at the moment. October 6, 2022: Thank you for all the views, as well as some follows, likes, and comments. It’s nice to know at least […]
  • This is why I think you don’t like me.
    I feel very hurt when you . . . NOTE: these are not all related just to autism. Most people don’t want to experience things on this list, and most people have experienced some […]
  • You might as well call me an avocado from Mexico. (“On Labelling,” Part 2)
    In my “On Labelling” post, I explained why I thought it would be good if one considers a label to be a diagnosis. Isn’t more information better? Ironically, more information may prove otherwise. Many […]
  • I don’t want to talk to the teacher anymore.
    In the seventh grade, a note on my report card said: “ . . . has not developed the needed skills to work as a part of a team yet. He has ideas but […]
  • Mystery Color Wheel
    Drawing can be very therapeutic. I got some colored pencils when I was a child and still have them all (of course). I’m not any good, but that’s kind of the point. I do […]
  • My Confusion ≠ Judgement of you
    My confusion is sometimes perceived as judgement. It works like this: a person does something I don’t understand, I am confused, I try to figure out what is going on, and that is perceived […]
  • “Some people lie.”
    When I was in my thirties, both married and a father, I experienced some anxious and confounding work-related situations. These tend to happen when I don’t understand what people are telling me, either in […]
  • Outnumbered Outsider
    According to recent data, 1 in 44 children in the United States have been diagnosed with ASD. (CDC Autism Data). This is up from 1 in 150 in 2000, and when I was a […]
  • On “Labelling*” (An Autistic Perspective)
    In general, “labelling” a person with a mental health condition tends to be met with disdain. Therapists especially tend to encourage not focusing on labels but on behaviors and symptoms. However, I have tended […]
  • How do I know if someone actually likes me?
    Well . . . it’s hard to know for sure if someone actually likes you or considers you to be the “F” word . . . “friend,” but here are some thoughts, from an […]
  • Autism Translation Chart: Understanding NTs
    Disclaimer: these are based on my personal experiences involving many people for many years and should not be interpreted as relating to any specific individuals but to non-autistic people in general. NT stands for […]
  • People don’t really want you to be helpful.
    I’m waiting in a car, trying to explain to my wife that I’m not comfortable with a group of strangers having her phone number in some group texting she was telling me about. She […]
  • You can’t use a person as a security blanket.
    Earlier today, I spoke with someone whose son has ASD, and I told him about a very anxious situation I was trying to work through. This was, as so many problems are for those […]
  • Bad days don’t last either.
    It gets better. Then, it will get worse. We yearn for stability in a chaotic universe. Change is constant – so is fear. Don’t fear that a bad day will last forever while fearing […]
  • Rejection hurts badly.
    Please note: as this could be upsetting to some people who have had similar experiences, remember this is one account from one person at one moment in time. Don’t apply it indiscriminately to your […]
  • Too much advice, too little time
    “Patience is a virtue.” “The early bird catches the worm.” “Good things come to those who wait.” “Carpe Diem.” Because I want to incorporate every little bit of information into the puzzle of human […]
  • Two steps behind.
    After many years of research, testing, counseling, journaling, notes, and a final battery of testing over several days, I was formally diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, Level 1. Hooray, a diagnosis! Well, not so […]

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Warning: the contents of some of the articles in this blog could be upsetting for some people to read. They represent the thoughts of one person at one moment in time and do not represent the whole of that person or any other. This is not the time to get too focused on details! Don’t apply any information here indiscriminately to your own life when it may not even apply. If reading any article on this blog (or anywhere else) causes you anxiety, stop reading immediately and do something more relaxing!

Disclaimer: these posts are based on my personal experiences involving many people for many years and should not be interpreted as relating to any specific individuals unless specifically mentioned. Furthermore, they are meant to be a positive contribution that helps bring people together.

#ASD, #AUTISM, #ActuallyAutistic

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